If I ever find out that a healthcare worker assisting in my care isnt vaccinated because they don’t want to get vaccinated, they better hope they can outrun my fury.

I know what it’s like to nearly die in ICU. I had Last Rights performed on me.

I had a series of mini strokes all over my brain, with some damage occurring on right side.

Before medical records were electronic, my medical record after my 6 week hospital stay and first open heart and then all of the tests and stays leading up to 2nd open heart 18 months later, plus that open heart and over a week long stay added up to a massive pile of paper.

I still remember the cardiology nurse fetching me in the waiting room for my yearly heart visit and being surprised at my youth because my records were huge.

I still remember the terror of it all.

The ICU, CICU, the ventilator, the team of doctors, the tests and scans, the weakness, the congestive heart failure and pulmonary edema. I wore out fast and couldn’t breathe fully. My chest carved open twice. The tubes. Being trapped in the bed. The PICC line. The bad news. So many nurses. My family’s faces. My own fucking fear.

But I got to go home. Eventually. It all still changed me. I didn’t heal right the first time. So another open heart to repair. And PTSD.

This was all on top of my rheumatoid arthritis.

All of what I’ve been through is similar to what Covid-19 patients have gone through and are going through…if they survived.

I’m blessed to be on an antidepressant that numbs my panic and anxiety enough to where I’m not experiencing my terror and PTSD in those ways.

Instead, I’m pissed off. These people infuriate me.

THEY HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THEY ARE FORCING UPON THEMSELVES AND THE REST OF US.

NO FUCKING IDEA.

BUT I DO.

I FUCKING DO AND I NEVER WANT TO HAVE TO FIGHT TO SURVIVE LIKE THAT AGAIN.

August 9th marks the night that I was supposed to die. And August 10th marks the day I survived to live.

And I don’t want to lose that for myself or anyone else because of some FUCKING MORONS who believe in a conspiracy theory.

Let me tell you right now that it’s not a fucking conspiracy when you’re trapped in an ICU bed trying to breathe as the doctor tells you that they don’t think you’ll survive the night.

It’s not fake news then.

It’s the moment that EVERYTHING becomes crystal clear and there’s no guarantee that you’ll even escape alive.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO RISK THAT? WHY?

I have been there and I can never forget. I see it every time I look in the mirror.

The stroke damage to my face.

The massive scar to reach my heart.

I hear it in my head. My valve is mechanical.

The scars on my body from all of the tubes stuck into me to save my life.

Even if you escape death, you aren’t unscathed.

You won’t be the person who you are now.

You think the vaccine is damaging and too risky to your life?

Try surviving a major unplanned health crisis.

Try begging your body to hang on and pull through.

You won’t recognize yourself in the mirror, if you survive.

Your body will have changed.

And your heart, your mind. Your memories will be haunted from this fresh terror of fighting against Death.

But if Death comes, it’s your end. A final breath. Alarms silenced. Ventilator and tubes removed. A body hauled off the bed into a bag and identified by a toe tag.

All because your immune system wasn’t trained to recognize and fight the virus ahead of time.

I want you to sit or stand up straight. Take a deep breath, inhaling through your mouth deep into your lungs. Exhale.

Again. And exhale. Slowly.

And again. Think of something you love about this feeling. Hold it. Exhale slowly.

Once more.

How does it feel? Do you like that feeling? Do you feel alive? Why would you ever want to risk losing this wondrous feeling of your lungs filled with air?

Tell me, do you still want to take the chance of losing this amazing feeling of breathing life into your body?