March 10th will mark 20 extra years I’ve gotten to live, since my 2nd open heart. And I’m still haunted by the audacity of someone recently telling me that I don’t belong (later tried to claim a caveat, alas that caveat stunk like carrion).

It just hit me tonight, these two diametrically opposed occurrences.

I have 20 years as proof.

I was blessed with these years all because of a fluke  with my warfarin and having major dental surgery, having damaged teeth removed.

My warfarin dosage for my mechanical heart valve had been increased prior to the dental work, at least a couple times. I didn’t question it, just took the dosage schedule given. Didn’t know that uh, maybe discussing dental surgery with my cardiologist would be a good idea. It was all still new to manage and consider.

Ended up quite ill, sutures redone twice over maybe 3 days, and in hospital for blood transfusions finally because I couldn’t clot and was seeing stars by that point.

Not anyone’s fault. I was still new to being a mechanical valve warfarin patient. And I recall they’d been increasing my dose at the time at least twice leading up to it. Pretty certain I wasn’t eating that much vitamin K in foods for such an increase. It was odd, looking back.

Anyway, my team of doctors from my previous 6 week hospital stay and then-only open heart surgery were informed that I was back! Scan time. Heart echocardiogram. Let’s see how the shiny valve looks now!

“What is that strange texture? says one cardiologist looking at an area of my heart wall next to my shiny, literally ticking new heart valve. “That shouldn’t be there…” answers the other cardiologist. More cardiologists appear. They are all suddenly concerned. One is right in front of the scan staring at it and he’s puzzled.

All I hear is “that shouldn’t be there.”

Later, my Mom goes to the vending machine floor to grab snacks. As the elevator doors open, who should appear? My life-saving heart surgeon! He looks up and recognizes my Mom, “what are you doing here?”

That was in April 2003. My valve was replaced September 2002. It took months of multiple various types of scans to monitor and determine the threat level of this thing that shouldn’t be there. I was otherwise asymptomatic.

Leading up to Christmas 2003, I finally had the big boss of heart tests to see what the monster looked like, a heart catheterization. They likened it to a pseudo-aneurysm.

Basically, a section of my heart wall next to my new valve had thinned out. So much of that area had been infected and damaged that it had to be scraped off, removed. Over time, the beating of my heart started having an effect on this area of wall. It started to balloon out, filling with blood with every pump. So as blood was pulled through my new valve, some pushed out into this weakened section, just like a balloon filling.

I will never forget watching it on the heart cath monitor.  After ballooning outwards, then followed by the next pump, that blood was pulled out from it and went through my shiny new valve. Next pump, repeat with the ballooning.

Another open heart surgery was likely needed. My cardiologist looked at me and compassionately apologized because that was our worst fear. And right before Christmas. They recommended either the Mayo Clinic or Cleveland Clinic to handle this monster, and all of its risks, that didn’t belong there in my chest.

Over the next couple months, my Mom found the best cardio-thoracic surgeon at Cleveland Clinic to look at my case and massive stack of records. Finally, my 2nd open heart surgery was scheduled for March 10th, 2004.

Had this strange texture that didn’t belong, and eventually developed into a continuously reinflating balloon of blood, never been discovered…

I could have simply dropped lifeless to the floor, one day, out of nowhere.

I was asymptomatic the entire time.

It was a complete fluke, a cascade of synchronicities, that allow me to still be here alive 20 years later.

A strange synchronization of so many little things all working out together to reveal that something had gone unexpectedly wrong in my ticking heart, while healing from the first go round in saving my life.

And it all worked out.

My 2nd heart surgeon was able to close this burgeoning hole in my heart. Life saved again. To experience such luck twice in the same life is uncanny.

I’m quite certain that this is proof from the Universe that I fucking belong.