Haunt

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I wish I never found out that I’m infertile.

Wish I’d never thought of having one kid at all.

It’s been like the death of me for so long.

It entered my mind with Jeff, because he’s so good to me.

He’s so funny.

We were at his work picnic event and someone’s bald headed baby was crawling around on a blanket with a dog.

And I thought maybe we could have that…

But that was before my cardiologist confirmed that pregnancy could kill me and a baby.

My warfarin, which keeps my mechanical mitral valve functioning efficiently, could irreversibly damage and deform a baby.

If blood volume rapidly changed, as it does throughout stages of pregnancy, my blood could become too prone to clotting, risking my valve throwing a blood clot.

Or I could hemorrhage.

That was before I found out IVF and surrogacy isn’t an option because of premature ovarian failure.

I wish somethings didn’t fail me in life.

But this body is the only home for me to live in.

It’s a haunted abode.

One thought on “Haunt

  1. Rick Phillips

    I am so thankful that Sheryl and I had children early and we had few issues when we decided to have a child. What we did have were many issues getting our little guy here with us. We were young, and we could have had an easier time had we waited. The good side is that we were younger grandparents and for that we are thankful.

    These diseases are nothing less than life robbing and i hate that. I truly do!!

    Like

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